Author: Greg Kinsella
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One on One With the Little Girl
So beautiful. So happy. So sweet. Until she is hungry. Or tired. Tired I can handle no problem. Hungry on the other hand has been a challenge. Mama is back to work and this girl does not want to take a bottle. I’m trying to help you! You are hungry…just eat! It’s that simple…at least I thought it was that simple. Just a little challenge for us to get through together. To the first of many sweet girl. -
Teaching Through Work
Kids seem to have this innate drive to help us work on things and this is such a cool vessel through which we can teach them creative problem solving, persistence, kindness, patience, teamwork, and more. We can’t expect them to be the perfect apprentices, and not be distracted by an insect or a noise or literally everything, but we can expect them to learn something. We also can’t expect the job to be done perfectly, and that’s okay too. Just another opportunity to teach them about the importance of sticking with a skill to develop it and to get better. Remind them that those things that you do well now, were once really hard for you.
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Our Newest Addition
We are about to have our third child. We don’t know if they are a boy or a girl, but we do know that they have an abnormal hand. Strangely, this discovery made me extremely grateful. Grateful that we already have two totally healthy boys and our third child does not have more serious issues. Grateful that we could have any children in the first place. The more I learned about his/her hand, the closer I felt to them. The more I imagined our family interactions, their older brothers sticking up for them – dealing with anyone who makes them feel bad about how they were born. Our family will be kind and forgiving, but we will protect each other.
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Learn to Love the Chaos
“Don’t try to do what you love, figure out how to love what you do.” Not sure who said it, but I love it and try to apply it to my life. A three year old plus a one and a half year old plus a newborn = absolute chaos. It can be easy to get overwhelmed, frustrated, and burnt out. I have, however, found different ways to shift my mindset to get us all through the difficult times. Here are a few things that have helped me:
Get out of the damn house. Go do stuff. A simple change in environment can make a huge impact on everyone’s mood.
Preparation – failing to prepare is preparing to fail. As much as you can prep clothes/food/activities the night before or or during nap time, the better off the family will be when trying to meet a schedule. This reduces stress for everyone.
Remove items/situations that create conflict. This is a lesson we learn over and over in our house. What items are going to fought over or used as weapons or are just addictive? Simply putting these things out of the kids’ line of sight helps eliminate a lot of issues.
Wake up before everybody else and get some time to yourself – meditate if you’re into that, drink a cup of coffee, or just chill for a little bit. Take care of yourself, not just for you, but for your whole family.
Remember that this won’t last forever and to appreciate it while you can.
As much as you can, deal with life’s other issues as promptly as possible so they’re not on your mind while with the kids. If they are you will be distracted, more easily irritable, and the kids may act up trying to get your attention. This one is a constant battle.
Get help from others – this is where family especially can come in clutch. People who care about you want to help. Take them up on it, but don’t overdo it and show true appreciation for what they do.
Most of all, just try to have fun and remember that in the grand scheme, whatever you’re worried about probably isn’t that big of a deal so let the kids be kids.
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Accept the Fact That You Will Never Do It All
And that’s okay. The more efficient you get the more gets put on your plate. This is why it is critical to figure out the important things, figure how to get them done first and then don’t stress the rest. What are going to be the things your kids remember about you? Will it be their dad fully engaged and playing with them, or building something together, or adventuring; or will it be you keeping the house perfectly clean, answering emails, or worrying about bills or politics or other people? I recently saw a quote that said in twenty years the only people who will remember that you worked late will be your kids, and that struck me. We all struggle with this, but the important thing is to be aware and to course correct to that long term perspective and prioritize your family. I know a lot of this is easier said than done, but I don’t want to live an easy life, I want to live a good life.
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Remember That You Will Die
Nothing lasts forever, and hear me out, that is a good thing. It gives everything value. Each little moment is precious. There will be a last time that you wake up in the middle of the night to sooth your crying baby. There will be that final time that you set your child down and then never pick them up again. There will be one last “why?” Appreciate it all, as it’s all that we got. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Memento mori. Carpe diem. YOLO. Ichi-go, ichi-e. So on, and so on.
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Take a Breath
It’s quite difficult to maintain composure in the face of some of the things your children decide to do. But, it is important to try for your sake and for theirs. My three year old decided to spray me in the face with the hose yesterday. Point blank range. Kill shot. Just as I started to react negatively I caught myself, wiped the water off my face, and took a breath. That breath allowed me to compose myself and realize that he really didn’t mean to spray me in the face and was just figuring out how the hose works and how to aim it. Victor Frankl (Man’s Search for Meaning) says, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” Now, this practice doesn’t come easy, and I am no pro, but I am working on it. My anger shifted to amusement and I laughed it off. I watched his expression shift from fear of doing a bad thing, to happy he wasn’t in trouble. He apologized and went on with his business of spraying the chalk off the driveway and watering everything within range. Everybody won. Especially the grass and trees.
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Fatherhood
As much as I read and thought I knew, nothing prepared me for the role of fatherhood. People told me, “everything is going to change,” but I didn’t realize EVERYTHING was going to change. A weekend project became a two-month project; sleep became, well, what’s sleep again?; free time – bye, bye; anxiety and fear – up; worth it? – hell yes. Holding that little boy or girl on your chest; the first smile; the way they say, “Da-Da”; the most contagious deep laughter you’ve ever heard; the pitter-patter of their little footsteps; the way they look into your eyes. It is love in it’s purest form and I wouldn’t trade it for all of my previous hopes and dreams. These kids give me so much, and it’s my responsibility to give them everything I can for a good life. I’m not talking about material things. I’m talking about life lessons, important skills, and a solid mindset that will serve them well through all the ups and downs that life provides.
Reflections of a Dad 